Christmas lights – The Trapped Butterfly

The Trapped Butterfly loves Christmas as does her husband. But life has done what life does to make Christmas bittersweet. And she has great Christmastime memories from childhood and not so great memories. They have lost loved ones, family, and friends which makes Christmas bittersweet.

However, that doesn’t stop them from decorating and enjoying the hell out of Christmas. She’s been desperately wanting another outside day with a fire that would go on until it got dark. It’s been about five years since they have had a fire outside when it was nighttime.

Today was a beautiful warm day for December. 56 degrees and not too windy. The Trapped Butterfly and her husband had agreed to an outside day with a fire. They were both in a good mood today so they played their silly games that only they understand. She had gotten some Mickey Mouse light up ears for fun and was looking forward to wearing them later when she was higher and in an even better mood. She told her husband that he was going to “get it.” Poor guy didn’t know what she was thinking.

It felt pretty warm out when he pushed her outside in her wheelchair. It was partly cloudy and she was disappointed that she probably wasn’t going to be able to see the stars and planets as she had been doing the previous times that they were out there until after dark. In fact, one night she had sat outside alone and was amazed by the colors of the sunset, the Christmas lights coming on, and then the planets and stars that eventually filled the night sky.

Today the fire was beautiful from the start. They used a cardboard box with sticks to get the fire going. There must have been plastic or something on the box that was making little fire sparks slide down to the ground. It was magical.

She meditated and watched the fire throughout the afternoon. Birds flew overhead and one was so loud when it squawked that it startled both her and her husband.

She drank cannabis infused juice and then she had a couple of shots of tequila! The higher she got, the more beautiful everything was getting. As the sun was setting, sparks of the fire went up to the sky. It got brighter and brighter. She kept saying, “It doesn’t get any better than this.”

Getting goofy, she had her husband get her light up Mickey Mouse Christmas ears. He had turned on their outside Christmas lights and they were shining bright. She looked at a medal part of her wheelchair and it was so psychedelic from the reflection of the Christmas lights. She loved it.

She wore her ears for a while and got pictures. Then it was time to enact her plan on her husband to get him back for the games they played earlier. He, surprisingly, put the lighted ears on and took pictures! 😂😂. She was laughing so hard at him not figuring it out right away. Finally he got it and they laughed and played around. She kept wearing her ears.

It was getting darker and darker. Other Christmas lights were coming on in the neighborhood. So beautiful and cosmic. The fire got brighter and brighter. She hadn’t seen anything more beautiful in so long!

As they sat, a fox came up from the neighbor’s yard and began to cross the road. The fox made eye contact with them and got scared even though she was trying not to do anything to scare it away. It took off into the field across the road. They were both excited that they got to see a fox so close.

Similarly, that spring a baby deer ran across their yard. She always prays for animals because she doesn’t want them to get hit by cars and people can be so cruel. She loves animals.

As the night fell, the fire was allowed to dissipate and she watched what her husband calls, “Coal City.” A bunch of beautiful orange coals were flickering. It was beautiful.

She kept looking at all the Christmas lights throughout the neighborhood. The lights were so beautiful and she kept feeling herself relax. She also found herself remembering all the normal times that she had been outside at night—from childhood to adulthood. Being outside at night was a normal, frequent occurrence year round. She missed it all and noted at how much she, and all people, take for granted. Covid has at least made her more aware of everything that isn’t guaranteed in life. It’s easily taken away from you in an instant. Covid is on the rise again and, thankfully, The Trapped Butterfly and her husband have managed not to get it. Both are still sacrificing to avoid being infected by this nasty virus that is definitely damaging people’s bodies in ways that they don’t even understand.

While her husband was starting to put stuff away and put out the fire, she was sitting outside by herself and she saw a bright light through the fur tree. She looked and thought it was a street light but there’s no light there. She realized that it was the new moon! Tears streamed down her face. Her husband came out and she said, “Is that really the moon?” Her husband had been seeing it behind the house in the past month but there it was…A bright sliver of the moon. She was crying and saying “Thank you” to the Spirit world and the Universe and the moon for allowing her to see it. Soon the clouds covered the moon back up. She was just blown away by it and everything she was able to experience.

May there peace on Earth and goodwill towards men.

Her husband pushes her out the front door into the darkness. She is so excited to be going out at night. She actually can’t remember the last time she was going somewhere at night due to the ongoing pandemic that people are trying to ignore now.

It is a warm night for the end of December. Just days before it had been sub freezing with wind chills of -27 degrees. Tonight it was windy but in the 50s. The minute she is outside she gets an overwhelming peace throughout her whole body. The wind blows her hair. The Christmas lights and the regular lights are so sparkly. The night sky is so beautiful despite the clouds that block out all the stars.

The Trapped Butterfly takes a deep breath and exclaims that it is so beautiful!

In the vehicle, she sits and looks at all the lights on the dashboard. Again, absolutely beautiful! The Christmas lights on the front porch of her house are so bright! She revels in the neighbor’s Christmas lights and the “new” world that is surrounding her.

As they drive, she honestly feels like she is tripping. Yes, she is high on pot and some wine from dinner, but she hasn’t felt like this in a while. It is true “beginner’s mind” as meditation teaches. She can’t believe how much there’s to see in the darkness.

The way the headlights are shining on the trees giving them an eerie glow. The lights from houses shining through the trees. Looking out into the horizon and seeing the patches of light in the sky from towns miles away from them. It’s a beautiful contrast between empty dark skies and land and the bright lights of towns that are not even visible except for the small light patches in the sky.

She loves catching glimpses of Christmas lights inside people’s houses even if the outside don’t have lights. She loves watching the lights of the headlights reflecting off everything that they are passing. She just feels so much peace and joy in this beautiful moment. She even sees a live deer standing in the ditch.

The Christmas drive through light fair is rather disappointing because it used to pretty much cover the whole fair ground, but it is rather small and she enjoys it as they drive through it twice, but they are both really disappointed that it isn’t anything near what it was before the pandemic started. They haven’t been here in two years due to Covid and being so afraid to even pay for it. They still are forced to drastically limit their contact with people, and her husband always wears masks. But this year she was insistent in going to the light fair as they did every year before Covid since they moved down here. Her husband wore his mask to pay the lady and sanitized his hands before removing his mask.

The peace of the simple act of going for a ride at night to see Christmas lights will hopefully keep giving her the strength to keep being trapped from how she used to live. It’s also teaching her just how much people take everyday things for granted.