She has been struggling with her faith for years now. She still believes in Jesus but that is about it when it comes to Christianity and Church doctrine. She prays regularly but it’s more about sending positive vibes out to the world as well as asking the Spiritual World to help in whatever way They can.
She was a devout Christian since she was 15. It gave her a community and a sense of belonging to something bigger. To be honest, she had always believed in Jesus and Heaven. Maybe her near death experience when she didn’t breathe for 40 minutes at birth is the reason why she found believing in Heaven and Jesus so easy for her. Or maybe she was just so desperate for unconditional love that she was easily sucked into the world of Christianity.
Over the years she continued to be faithful to the nondenominational church. Her husband became “saved” the first year of their relationship.
Unfortunately, they were blinded by what they truly believed was “Biblical.” The only thing that they knew was wrong with some Christians was the belief that they had to spank/hit their children from an early age in order to “discipline” them. But her abuse as well as watching young children grow up, she knew it wasn’t right for God to want young children to be hurt by their parents. She studied early childhood education in college and grad school. There is no doubt that spanking/hitting children is really not what the Christian God wants.
She spent years researching the Bible and the history behind the few verses that Christians use to defend their beliefs in spanking. She naively believed that if she could combine both the research of the Bible with the research of child development, she could change minds. Thus, writing a 500 page book on gentle parenting.
She did reach some who were open to gentle parenting but she got so much hate from Christians. Being called a heretic and satan. It was at this point that she started realizing that this whole Christianity thing might not be what she thought it was.
Then the series of traumatic events happened in the span of 8 years also chipped away at her Christian beliefs. She also became aware of the hatred of the Christian community depending upon which sect they were in.
She opened her eyes to the racism, bigotry, sexism, anti–LBGTQ community of most of the mainstream Christian community. Finally, the pandemic started and she saw how important it was for the majority of Christians to follow their “leader” (the former president) and not put the vulnerable first when it comes to masks and vaccines. She just said no to Christianity. It makes her sick. If people really think about it, half of the dogma is just hatred.
Through psychedelic experiences and the guidance of the Spiritual World, she has come to understand that almost everything religion teaches is not the truth. It is man. She can’t even engage with “Christianese.” She has her own personal beliefs and she is ok with others believing differently than her as long as they are not hurting others and being hateful towards others who are different.
Tonight she is feeling uncomfortable because she found out that one of her favorite tattoo celebrities is now a Christian and she just got baptized. Ironically, the celebrity got a lot of hate from fellow Christians who don’t like that she still wears gothic clothing and is a very gothic person. She is a very good person from what The Trapped Butterfly has seen throughout the years of following her. But it was totally unexpected to see her being baptized and she is attending a small Baptist church.
The Trapped Butterfly wished the celebrity well and told her her story in a comment. She hopes that the celebrity will remain true to herself and not get dragged into the dogma of the church.
It’s a very weird feeling to be unsettled about something that she used to celebrate with tears of joy and shouts of praise to “The Lord.” Now she’s worried about how it will change people for the worse due to the MAGA, etc. cults that are absolutely destroying America and people who are different from them. She has watched too many people come to this cult.
She is a spiritual person who is seeing the cruelty of people who are religious. Just look at Hamas. Just look at how the LBGTQ+ community is being attacked by Christians. Finally, look at how people are not being mindful of the disabled, immunocompromised, and the elderly with Covid.
She has been into witches and learning the true meaning of witchcraft which is not the satan worship that Christians have made it into. She hopes that the Spiritual World will continue to use her in whatever way They can. She is trying to be loving while rejecting the people who continue to oppress people.
She got the following tattoo earlier this month with a tattoo artist that understands about the risks of Covid to her and her husband. It fits with the wars going on right now as well as all the anger and hate going on in the world. Plus, still being trapped by Covid because people refuse to do the simplest things to protect each other makes the tattoo even more poignant.
May love and peace reign no matter what people believe. Just stop and let love run wild.
The Trapped Butterfly 