Dream about Dad

Abuse is discussed in this story. Reader discretion advised!

She woke up confused and sad yet happy. She had just had her first happy dream about her dad. Usually the dreams are full of fear, wanting to get away from him, or of his outright abuse. She was always uncomfortable with her dad in her dreams.

You see, her dad didn’t break the abusive cycle that spread throughout his family. Instead, like many who have been abused and deny it, he abused all of his children. She can’t control her muscles and she spasms which makes caring for her hard at times. Unfortunately, this usually got her hit, yelled at, and/or physically handled very roughly. It was always scary and painful, making her cry every time. She still gets triggered if someone is rough with her.

She did feel safe with him occasionally, and she knew he would protect her from things. She loved her daddy, and yet, she didn’t want to be left alone with him for too long just in case something went wrong.

Finally, once she grew up and started dating her husband who was a good friend of her dad’s, he disowned her and then a few years later he suddenly passed away. When he joined the spiritual world, she was so angry with him. She doesn’t remember feeling much sadness. It was there. But the anger and then the horrible anxiety were the main things she experienced directly after his death, which was also almost four months after she got married. No, he didn’t walk her down the aisle or even come to the wedding. He had to saved face. But had he come, she would have cried and hugged him. She was willing to forgive him and have a relationship with him but he refused. Narcissism prevented him from ever truly admitting he was wrong and fix relationships.

Yet, on this morning she felt that grief ache for him and couldn’t believe that she had a good dream about him.

The dream was weird. She has hospital dreams ever since her first actual medically necessary hospitalization and a couple of surgeries since. So this dream she was that she was going in the hospital for some surgery. She was anxious and some of the nurses were wearing masks and others weren’t so she felt anxious about that. They were doing the usual stuff to prep her. They tried giving her a Covid test but she freaked out and couldn’t do it. She kept saying that her dad was coming. She kept asking her husband if he was there.

Finally, he came and she immediately started to sob as they pushed her to him. She hugged him so tight. He was so calm. Then she woke up.

She wondered if it meant anything. She thinks he came to her to comfort her in the way he wasn’t able to. She had had plenty of experiences with him in the spirit world telling her that he was okay and that he loved her. One time the smell of cigarette smoke filled their apartment and there wasn’t anyone anywhere smoking cigarettes. He was a very heavy smoker which contributed to her adult onset and asthma. When her first kitty went to Heaven, it was her dad who said that the kitty was in his lap.

She knows her dad is sorry about the pain he had, and continues to cause, since the scars of abuse live within people for life. But perhaps he saw her suffering in the new world she finds herself in and just wanted to remind her of his love that she has yet to really experience. Either way, it was a wonderful glimpse of what is to come someday.